Waiting

Waiting is the worst feeling of all.  Because inherently with waiting comes worry.  And worry chews holes in my stomach.  We've been waiting for a while now, several weeks actually, to figure out why AJ's not growing (weight wise) as expected.

There's not a whole lot to suspect from a glance of the situation - a healthy giggly scampering boy who's just a little bit on the thin side...not even really - 50th percentile in weight and 97th percentile in height to be exact.  If it wasn't for the fact that he's gained only 1.5 pounds since his 6 month visit, there'd be nothing to suspect at all.  All toddlers get picky right?  All kids go through this right?  Maybe.  just maybe.

Incidentally, after drawing a HUGE syringe full of blood (and running about 10 tests to rule out "organic" causes), a list of abnormal lab results haunt me.  I remember seeing the tests minutes before I was due to sleep on a Sunday night, and you guessed it... I didn't sleep a wink thinking about them. The next day, I set out on a quest to figure out what was wrong...by googling and using credible medical information sources.  Let me tell you, while my brain was learning and searching as a trained medical professional, my eyes were seeing everything as mother - only the negative.  I can't even tell you how many bad things I came across! I literally made myself sick at work thinking about all the different permutations of health disorders that my child could have. I finally gave up my own quest and e-mailed his pediatrician for some advice on interpreting the labs. Bless her heart, she'd been thinking about them too.  She had some preliminary thoughts about the labs, all benign explanations, but upon consultation with her colleagues decided to have us repeat labs again in a week to see if things would resolve, just to be on the safe side.

That was today.  1.5 HUGE syringes full of blood later (AJ now knows what a tourniquet is, and cries on cue), we're waiting on the lab results again.  Some cell count abnormalities have surface yet again (similar to last time).  Pediatrician thinks she has an explanation, but is this time consulting a hematologist for further review just in case.

It's not fun waiting.  I'm praying/hoping/wishing that there's a simple explanation for what's going on, or it's one that is easily resolvable. I look at my little guy (who's learned to walk circles and circles around the house in the past few days) who's getting more and more energetic and giggly - and know (hope?) that whatever's happening, he gives me strength to wait through this.

More to follow when I hear back.