Book Review: The Second Nine Months

I bought this on the Kindle after having read the last book that I read, which turned out to be a little bit too sarcastic for me (which, to me, means trying too hard).  Anyway, the reason that I bought this book (and started reading at all) was because I was getting sort of obsessed with reading bad stuff on the internet, as in googling crap about sleep training, symptoms of autism,  reading news articles about neglected children in third world countries, you know, the BAD stuff. And when I wasn't doing that, I was getting pretty obsessed with trying to figure out what all this parenting philosophy stuff was (you know, like Baby Wise, Attachment parenting, etc).  All this resulted in some icky insomnia, which we all know, new moms DO NOT need. To resolve my problem, I decided that reading something funny every night before going to bed might just be my remedy.

This book was definitely what I was looking for.

It's one woman's account on the 9 months following the birth of her daughter.  It's written like a memoir and chronicles all the most hilarious moments as well as the darkest moments.  I felt like I could really relate to the author who before having her daughter, was a gal who pretty much had everything together - whether it be work, relationships, or personal life, but had her life flipped upside down when her daughter came into the world.  She talks about tough subjects like her relationship with her husband and how it's changed.  She recalls how much anxiety she dealt with bringing her daughter to lunch at Red Robin with her for the first time.  She tells honest experiences like how her daughter fell off the swing and cried for ten minutes alone and she didn't know because she was busy checking her e-mail.  She bold admits that she didn't immediately fall in love with her child.  

I guess the reason I love this book is because it's like talking to another new mom.  You wanna hear about what she's experienced, but don't necessarily want advice from her. Glembocki's got this new mom thing down.  Every time I read a chapter, I started to wonder if she was describing my kid.  I did a lot of nodding along as she described her adventures.  

This is a book I'd recommend to all my new mommy friends, especially those of you in the early weeks who can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet.  Go, get it and you'll get a breath of fresh air, realizing it that it's NOT JUST YOU who thinks motherhood is hard.  It really is.  Future mommies, this might be a good read too, but I have a feeling that you won't learn to appreciate it until you're a few weeks knee deep in mustard colored poop before you'd appreciate it :)

Hilarious = poop

I'm sitting here yesterday writing a baby shower card, trying to write something ingenius (instead of the usual lies like 'congrats on your bundle of joy!' or 'he'll be everything you wished for!').  I came up with the following:

"Being a parent is the dirtiest, lowest-paying, stinkiest, and most hilarious job you'll ever have.  Enjoy every minute of it!"

Yeah, being blatantly honest is another one of those side effects that won't go away after I pooped out the baby.  But really, being a parent IS one of the most hilarious jobs I've ever had.  So instead of wallowing in self-pity today and telling more first-world problem stories about how my boobs make too much milk for my baby, I'm gonna go for humor today.

The top 5 most hilarious things that have happened since AJ arrived (read: the top 5 things he's pooped or peed or spit up on).  I'm sorry if some of these aren't so funny.  I have a weird sense of humor.

5. We discovered that our dog is addicted to AJ's spit up. Like actually addicted. Every time I bring him to the changing pad, which I keep on the ground in the living room, she gets up from her spot in the other room and stays on standby for spit up.  As soon as I pick him up, she does clean up duty, so our changing pad is always cleaned after each changing....by dog spit.  Though now that I realize that spit up is basically breast milk...I guess that means she's addicted to my breast milk.  I can't say I'm comfortable with that relationship with the dog.

4. We have a poop chair.  Every morning, when we've run out of ideas to get AJ to poop, we stick him in his bouncy chair.  The thing works like magic EVERY TIME.  I'm not sure why it works.  OK lies, I know EXACTLY how it works. Try sitting on a vibrating surface for a while and you'll get the picture.

3. Pooping on our photographer's props. Hey, I guess that's what you can expect when you peel all the clothes and diaper off a newborn and make him pose pretty pics for you!!!  After about 2 hours worth of feeding, cuddling, and coaxing him to sleep and positioning him, this photo was taken moments after he pooped all over the photographer's blanket.  What you can't see in this beautiful photo is a giant puddle of yellow crap (haha, literally) behind his butt. Sorry, Katie :(

2. Peeing all over our friend, Kathy, but managing to stay completely dry himself.  I don't know how.  Physics doesn't apply to this child.  It just doesn't.

1. Pooping in the bathtub...after we've given him his bath.  Yeah.  Lather. Rinse. REPEAT.  FYI this is NOT said incident.  Just a picture of him looking real cute :)

Baby gear: our must have list through month 2

Based on our experience so far, this is what we felt was the most useful through the 2nd month of baby's life. Note that some of the items here may be useful later.  We'll see.

Must have items
6/26 update:  I decided to promote a few items: boppy, glider, nursing bra, and baby monitor to the must have list.  Really couldn't have gone without those items.

• Soft carrier - the only way I can get real chores done without constant interruption. AJ also had bad gas for a while and needed to be propped up a lot.  Starting around 6 weeks, I started preferring his Beco Gemini over the Moby, since it got real hot.  That, and he weighed in at 11.5 lbs at 5 weeks, so the Beco won out in back support. 
• Pacifiers - He started taking his around week 4.  Helps him nap every time. 
• Flannel receiving blankets - These are so cheap and versatile. I always had some with me.  You can use 'em for swaddling (see my bat wing post), as burp cloths, just to cover up baby in the car seat, etc.  
• Burp cloths - we bought Gerber cloth pre-fold diapers instead as a cheap alternative to burp cloths.  10 for 10 at Target.  We went through SOOOO many in a laundry load.  Yes, we had a spitter.
• Night lights.  Prevents stumbling and hurting yourself for late night feedings.  
• Sleep sack swaddles.  I know you can always save money by just tradition swaddling.  But this contraption (Halo brand) made things SO easy.  And easy is what you want in the middle of the night when you're half asleep.  We bought 2 at a time to rotate. 
• Nursing pads.  I used Lansinoh (IMO the best disposables) at first, and then switched to Bamboobies (washable) once my milk supply was established and didn't leak quite as much
• Wide brim sun hat - we go on a lot of walks in the carrier. Babies younger than 6 months can't use sunblock yet. So this is a must if you have a summer baby.
• Nasal aspirator - to suck out snot since babies can't do that
• Nursing bra
• Glider/rocker - this is actually a must have in our house, but I understand that for most, this really is a nice-to-have because of the price tag.  Our baby gets rocked every night before he sleeps, so it's really proved itself to be worth the investment.
• Emory boards - cause you may be too freaked out to cut their nails.  
• Lanolin ointment and ice/heat packs - for nursing boobs in the early weeks     
• Boppy/my brest friend - made feedings that much more doable
• Breast pump - technically, not everyone's gonna need it just yet (depending on when/if you leave your child to go back to work).  Ours was absolutely a must have, since I had so much problems with engorgement and needed to relieve the girls. 
• Onesies. Nuff said.
• Baby monitor - depending on whether or not baby is still in your room and depends on where your baby naps. And also depends on whether or not you have supersonic mommy hearing.  I can hear baby just fine without the monitor from anywhere in the house and we live in a 2 story 2400 sq foot home...but it is nice to be able to SEE him and see if he's wide awake. Either way, they're not cheap.  Worth mulling over. 
• Other obvious items
• diapers
• changing pad
• wipes
• car seat

Nice to have, but not a must (as in splurge if it's in your budget, it'll save you a little bit of sanity, but OK to skip or hold out until your baby REALLY needs it if you're slim on the dough)

• Pack and play -  We had 2 actually - one for the living room and one for our bedroom.  He slept in this in our bedroom until he was 7 weeks old, when we transitioned him to his nursery.  He still naps in the other one during the day.  Money saving strategy: buy the cheapest one without the bells and whistles. I saw some going for 200 dollars.  I really can't say I can justify the price tag.  Not all kids like pack and plays though. So I demoted it to the nice-to-have list.
• White noise machine - for AJ, he likes it but it's not a must when he sleeps.  We got ours as a gift, but otherwise, not sure if I would have spent 30 bucks on this.  I later also learned our humidifier has a white noise setting.  Boom. Gotta love 2-in-1's
• Yoga ball - this was a pretty good investment (for 20 bucks, really).  Serves as our "rocking chair" in our living room to rock baby to sleep
• Lansinoh milk storage bags - I'm calling these out specifically because they store so much better and pour easier than the Medela brand.  Plus they're cheaper (see below).
• Aden and Anais swaddle blankets. Everyone and their mom has these.  These are nice swaddle blankets cause they're so large, but made of very breathable materials.  Not a must have though, since they're on the spendy side for being a swaddle blanket.
• Swing/bouncy seat.  For me, this is how I guarantee I'm able to eat breakfast and lunch every day.  Other moms swear this is how they're able to shower. Not all babies like them though.
• Humidifier - for us, this was nice to have.  Our kiddo did get sick and this helped thin out nasal secretions so he could breathe.  Plus, ours had a white noise setting which was pretty awesome.
• Black out curtain panels - REALLY helps baby sleeps (especially since the sun rises before 5 AM in the summer!!!)  But they can be spendy (an alternative is going to a fabric store and just buying several yards of blackout material)
• Poop bags - the Sassy ones.  They are large, so holds about 5-6 diapers before we have to throw 'em out.  
• Sleep-and-plays.  These are footed jammies.  As in an all-in-one outfit.  I'd say a must have depending on the season.

Not really necessary or not necessary yet at this age

• Any kind of toy (includes activity gyms, car seat toy bars, etc).  Babies can't grasp yet at this age, or process much.  Even if they're staring, they much prefer faces at this age to anything else.  
• Wub-a-Nub pacifier - our son just didn't like this...but then again, he doesn't like Soothies. 
• Munchkin sterilizer - I did the traditional boiling for all the first washes.  We  also have the Medela sterilizing microwave bags, which is probably a lot easier to use.  Either way, I'm not terribly convinced that the sterilization is really needed...which then makes this item sort of moot.
• Changing table (as in one that's specific for this purpose).  Just cause we're pretty comfortable changing him on a pad on the ground.  Tables are furniture and cost a lot.  Plus, babies outgrow tables...and then what?
• Bottle warmer - probably easier, cheaper, and safer just to soak the bottles/bags in a thermos of hot water and achieve the same effect.  
• Baby sunglasses - good idea...but most are made for babies when their heads are bigger
• Nursing clothes - only due to cost.  If you can afford it, it really is nice to have.  But that said, most nursing wear is VERY spendy.  Stupid niche markets. 

Total waste of our money (as in return it if you can)

• Any type of fancy bathtub - any bath tub will do.  Babies are not that picky.
• Medela milk storage bags - terribly difficult to use, only for 5 ounces or less, expensive, awkward shape makes storage difficult, the list goes on and on.  Don't buy it.  
• Changing pad cover - we have a son who pretty much pees over everything. Getting a waterproof changing pad and just wiping it down was more practical.  Or alternatively, using just those flannel receiving blankets to cover it is just as good
• Too many pairs of pants - yeah, onesies are so much easier.  What was I thinking?
• Wipe case - these are cute, but you'll never get enough wipes in here...plus you have to keep reloading them. Just go buy those travel packs at the store, it'll save you time. 
• Any expert books that promises you success on sleep training.  THROW THEM OUT.  Don't sell them or give them to friends.  Just throw them out like they are the plague.  All these things do is guilt trip yourself into believing you're raising your baby wrong.  YOU ARE NOT.  In due time, your baby will do what he needs to do. 

Things that were recommended to us that we did fine without

• Diaper genie
• Bassinet
• Wipe warmer

Tuesday's adventures

I was DYING to get out today, but really didn't want to deal with the hassle of the car seat.....or have any real reasons to go out (and SPEND MORE $$$).   Plus, I really wanted to walk. So I decided to take him out in the Beco and walk to the strip mall near our house.

YAY!  We made it!  He stayed awake for the whole walk there, and looked around at everything!  People, cars, stoplights, trees, even down into the creek by our house.

We ended up going to Hallmark to buy some cards (more babies and weddings this summer!) and then stopping by Albertsons for some bananas, popcorn, and a good old mocha frap.

Baby and I at Alberton's.  Can't see it, but he's already sound asleep.  

Just as I was making the world's biggest yawn in the organic foods aisle, a nice old lady at Albertson's smiled at us and commented "I know who's getting the most sleep in your house!"

Speaking of sleep.  AJ slept in his swing for the first time today.  He's been hanging out in the bouncy chair part of it for a month now, but I've never actually put him in the glider/swing part (which was the whole reason we bought the darn thing).  He took a 45 minute nap (after his 2 hour nap on the couch with me.  Impressive? I think so.)  Turns out he does love it.  Hope he'll keep on loving it.  Or that was a 140 dollar nap.

All about the snot

Pre-mommy me would have never guessed how awesomely satisfying it is to suck out baby snot.  Yeah yeah yeah, it's gross I know.  But something about the satisfaction of getting something that's lodged deep within the dark, mysterious nasal passageways of my 2 month old is soooo rewarding. Sort of like getting to a prize at bottom of the cereal box.

Well anyways, before I gave birth to AJ, I really gave no thought to snot sucking.  I'd always heard about bulb aspirators that you suction stuff with, and assumed we'd use that to suction his nostrils when the time came.  

Then I saw this image on the internet and cannot un-see it anymore.  Sorry, neither can you, so look away if you're not into gruesome discoveries.  I won't be offended. 

Ugghhhhhh.  I guess there's not great ways to clean these things???

Despite that, we still went ahead and tried to use it to suction out AJ's boogers.  But I discovered that those little bulb aspirator...they SUCK.  At sucking. 

I'd heard about other weird contraptions that people have bought for booger-sucking.  Even saw on a friend's baby registry that they have electronic ones (WTF mate?).  I felt stupid spending loads of money on a contraption whose primary purpose was to suction boogers, so I used my trust Amazon instincts to find a nice product with good reviews.  And I landed on Nose Frida.  

Nose Frida is a nasal aspirator that is powered by your sucking with your mouth.  As in like this picture below.

Before you get too grossed out, hear me out on why this is NOT as disgusting/horrible as it seems.

1.  There's a filter that exists between your tubing and the blue collection tube, so in theory, nothing dirty ever reaches your mouth.  Everything collected stays in the collection tube, awaiting disposal.

2. Even if something nasty got through the filter (highly unlikely unless your baby has an entire TUBE full of wet snot), it has to travel 1 foot of tubing before reaching your mouth

3. The tip of the aspirator rests outside of the baby's nostril, so it's A LOT LESS irritating than a bulb aspirator, which you'd have to stick inside of the baby's nostrils.  Every time we've tried using the bulb aspirator AJ cried up a storm, but he rarely produces more than a peep when I suction him with our Nose Frida

4. It's cleanable.  As in you can actually clean it.  And it's really easy to clean. And dishwasher safe.

5.  The filters are disposable, so you can just toss 'em and replace 'em as you go.

6.  SO. MUCH. MORE. EFFECTIVE than a bulb syringe.


In closing, I leave you with a picture of AJ being Nose Frida'd.

Some perspective please

If you're not a fan of honesty, I don't think you'll like this post.

There's only 2 honest truths in my life right now.

1)  The only time during the day when I'm alone with AJ where I'm absolutely confident in my child care skills (and therefore confident enough to to things like type for a blog) is when he's in the Beco carrier.

2) Which means, there's 23 hours a day where I'm freaking out cause I don't have it together.

No, I'm not being modest.  I really don't have it together. This mothering thing is hard.  A lot harder than I expected.  The learning curve is not so much of a curve as it is an exponential function...that never levels off.  But hard is normal, and that's one of the only things that's keeping me sane, knowing that "hard is normal."

So why am I being honest?  Why not just nod along and answer politely, "yeah, I'm fine.  Yeah, we're good.  Or yeah, he's adorable and it's all worth it?"  Because if you're reading this, I'm suspecting that you're also either a new mom who doesn't have it together but feel like there's something wrong with you admitting it.  Or maybe you've heard other people say things like "oh it gets better" and you've been wondering for 6 weeks straight when it's gonna get better.  Or maybe, you're wondering why none of your friends, moms, aunties told you the truth about how horrible breastfeeding/diapering/swaddling/crying/etc would be.

Maybe you're like me, and you've been terrified of your crying infant and have never had the gall to admit to other people that that's the ugly truth.  That you're terrified of your 2 month old child.  It's actually kind of funny, if I think about it.  How funny you ask?  I've actually typed in the sentence "is it normal to be scared of your crying baby" into a google search before.

Maybe you're like me, and you've become SO frustrated with the difficulties of breastfeeding that you have secretly thought about just stopping cold turkey tomorrow.  Maybe you fantasized about a day when you won't have to nurse anymore because despite 9 weeks of "working on it" IT STILL HURTS and every book ever written on the subject says it should feel nothing less than like puppies licking your frickin' nips.  And then countless advice sessions with lactation consultants, OBs new moms groups, and my mother, nobody can clearly explain to me what is being done wrong exactly.

Maybe you're like me, and before junior popped out of you, you strived for perfection, and never disappointed - whether it be work or life, you're always pretty damn good at what you do.  And there's ALWAYS a solution that you can find to a problem. So imagine your disappointment when the super power you possess as a mom,  (mik making) the one thing that is supposed to fix every boo-boo and heal all that is wrong with your baby... is the one thing that actually causes your infant to cry his head off like someone is hurting him.  Yeah.  It. Doesn't. Feel. Good.

So why did nobody tell me how hard it was going to be?  Was I not listening?  I'm pretty sure I was!

Because they forgot.

If I think about it, 9 weeks ago, I gave birth to this little creature.  And it hurt.  But nine weeks later today, I'm having sort of a hard time remembering how much it hurt.  And for certain, I've already forgotten how uncomfortable pregnancy made me.

Why do we forget?  It's a protective mechanism really, that the human mind quickly forgets what it does not want to and remember on what it found pleasurable to ensure that we continue to make babies.
But that's the thing.  We tend to remember the good things when it's in hind sight.  What can we do to address our current anxiety?

One thing that I noticed is that anticipation is a huge motivator, whether positive or negative.  One reason that I postulate I fear baby AJ is because I tend to anticipate chaos.  As in, as soon as I put him down for a nap, I reset my "LOST" clock and start thinking about how much time until his next fussy period.  I put him in the car seat fearing when he's going to start crying  I put him in a clean diaper fearing his next blowout.  If I keep doing this, I'm never going to be able to live in anything but fear!

So I challenge you, and myself to start anticipating the positives.  Thinking about the next time he smiles.  Imagining the day when he starts sitting.  And when these milestones do come, don't waste your time being anxious over when he's going to be fussy next. SAVOR the moments!

Our first cold :(

AJ getting suctioned by our super awesome Nose Frida

All 3 of us are sick.  I'm pretty sure we got it from the pediatrician's office last week (which as we know, are crawling with germs).  Sort of surprising, since I work at that clinic and have NEVER gotten sick.  But I guess I don't do my rounds in the peds module either. Oh well.

Well, I'm pleased to report that AJ is the least sick of the 3 of us.  M is dealing with a bad bad cough and I'm a couple of days behind him.  But the baby?  Super mild symptoms - his cough was accompanied by a little mucus and that started 5 days ago.  And now it's gone.  

I guess it's not that surprising.  I read that breastfed infants tend to be the least likely in a home to get sick since they're gulping down mom's milk which is lush with newly-made antibodies to whatever germs are in house.  If they do catch whatever the rest of the family has, they tend to have a much more mild version.  I hope they're right and he really IS done with the cold.

So, you ask me.  How did we survive the last few days with the cold?  Here's our toolkit.

--The Advice line.  I know that cough in a newborn can be a pretty serious sign of something wrong.  Especially when we live in a part of the country where pertussis is not uncommon.  So one of the first things we did was check in with the advice nurse at KP.  Yeah, he was doing fine, no changes in # of diapers, eating well, and no fever.  But it NEVER hurts to check in.  As I expected, I was told to monitor him carefully.  But the following things really helped too.

--Nose Frida (see image above).  The be-all, end-all of snot suckers.  There were times that I wanted to pick it up and use it for myself.  I love this thing so much more than your traditional bulb syringes.  So does baby, by the way.  Try not to use it more than 2x a day - I'm sure it still irritates those little nasal passageways. If nothing suctions out but baby is still struggling, it may help to put saline drops in and try again.  

--Humidifier.  I actually pulled this out of the box sitting in the closet at 3 AM on Saturday morning and assembled the whole thing in 5 minutes while M held our sick kiddo.  Totally worth it.  I could tell it kept his mucus secretions nice and thin so it was easy for him to cough it up.  5 days later, it's still running, but mostly for the adults in the house who are still sick :(

--Frequent breastfeeding.  The idea here is increasing baby's fluid intake.  Just like how when adults get sick, babies need more fluid too when they're sick.

--Increasing fluids (me).  For obvious reasons, even if I'm not being counted on producing upwards 40 ounces of milk a day for my little leech

--Increased nap times during day. 

-- Which comes with cuddling.  I noticed over the past week that AJ's independence during sleep and nap time has regressed.  He seems to be want to be held A LOT.  For a while he had been sleeping 5 hour stretches at a time at night without waking, but now he's back down to waking q2 hours or so.  Oh well, we're working on it.  I'm told by a mom with an older infant that a time will come when he no longer wants to cuddle/sleep with you...so savor those moments.  Savoring.  

Mommy Matinees

Someone told me that once you become a mom, you'll never be able to go to the movies again.

I refuse to believe that.  It'd be more of an effort, sure.  We'd have to find a sitter (parents!), prep his food, and of course, freak out the whole time I'm at the theater wondering if little AJ's been carried off by an eagle that's secretly been lurking in my in-law's yard.  

But what if someone said you can take your crying baby to the movies with you? 

You'd say, get the f*** out, cause no one would ever voluntarily go to a theater that'd allow that.  It's like voluntarily sitting next to a crying infant right?

Mommy matinees.  Movies at matinee times at small theaters where the guests are the same as you.  Mommies. With babies. Who may fuss.   

It might not sound like the most attractive activity to a lot of people.  But, for those of us who feel like we're stuck at home watching HGTV while willing our children to make poop, like 24 hours a day, going anywhere outside where there's something fun to do and crying is allowed, well feels like a pretty damn good day.  

See the article posted below about where these places exist in Portland.  My eye's on the Kennedy school.  One of my fave pre-pregnancy hangout places.  It's a haunted elementary school in NE Portland that's been converted into a hotel/bar.  Tickets are 3 dollars a piece for adults (unbeatable!) and food at this place is always delish.  Win.  

Just e-mailed my mommy buddy, E.  Can't wait to give this place a try!

http://redtri.com/portland/lights-camera-action-the-best-movie-theaters-in-portland-for-kids/

What every parent needs to hear

I'm not gonna be original today.
It's always nice to wake up on a Saturday with a cup of coffee and some motivation.  So here it is.
Here's a repost that I thought was very meaningful and also quite humorous.

From Beth Woolsey:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/beth-woolsey/20-things-every-parent-should-hear_b_3209356.html

1. You are a hero for your kids. You are. You're a go-the-distance, fight-the-dragon, face-the-challenges hero for your kids. Taking a beating makes that more true. Not less.

2. We all struggle. Every parent. Everywhere. We all second-guess ourselves. And we all want to quit sometimes. Hold the good times close, and when things are tough, remember, "this, too, shall pass."

3. Finding the funny may not save your soul, but it will save your sanity. Or maybe it's the other way around. Either way, look for the humor and embrace the crazy. Laughter is a lifeline.

4. Every day, you will feel like you have mishandled something. Like you've been impatient. Like you've misjudged. Like you've been too harsh. Like you've been too lenient. You may be right. Apologize if you need to and then, whatever. Seriously. Just whatever. Let it go.

5. The crazy, the crying, the cuddles. The screaming, the sacred, the scared. The minutes, the magic, the mess. It's all part of it. And it's all worth it.

6. Family is the best. Even when it's not perfect. And it's never perfect. Ever.

7. At the end of organization, at the end of patience, at the end of perfection, we die to ourselves. And then love rises from the ashes. It sucks. And then it gets better. And then it sucks again. Still, love rises.

8. You will never regret parenting. Except for the teeny, tiny tons of times when you secretly wonder if you maybe regret it just a little. But, overall, never. And overall is what counts in the end.

9. Parenting is like climbing the big mountain. Look for the base camp. That's where you rest, meet other climbers, take in oxygen and acclimatize. Base camp is what makes summiting possible.

10. You are not alone in this strange, vast, parenting ocean. Even in the dark of night. You are not alone. You're not.

11. Kids know the way to magical and they'll give you a free pass to come along. Breathe in the magic as long as you can, because that same kid is going to poop his pants in just a minute.

12. There's a very fine line between enjoying the chaos and barely surviving. Actually, there's no line at all. It's all mixed up together. That "fine line" thing is a lie.

13. If you pay attention, kids will teach you how to laugh loudly, how to love deeply and how to live fully. They will also ruin all your stuff.

14. Any number of kids is a lot of kids.

15. Look for joy. You'll find it in the middle of the busy. Or under the ridiculous. Or hanging from the overwhelmed in its underpants. Joy's like that. It's in the middle of everything. It's completely unpredictable. And it will surprise you when you're not expecting it. Like vomit and diarrhea, except good.

16. You will fall apart and do it all wrong. Forgive yourself. Ask your kids to forgive you. Set an example of resilient fallibility. Set an example of practicing the art of love -- both loving yourself and loving others. No one does this parenting gig right the first time. Or the last time. Or the times in between. Showing your kids how to keep going after getting it wrong is a wonderful gift to give them.

17. Kids are difficult, gross, confusing and awesome. So are you.

18. Parenting will bring you face-to-face with yourself. It may be terrifying. It may break you. But it will also rebuild you, and you will be stronger than you ever thought possible.

19. Balance is a myth. Parenting isn't a tight-rope walk; it's a dance. Strive for rhythm instead of balance, and trust yourself to move to the ever-changing beat.

20. Yes, you will have days where you wonder where the hell the capable and organized you went. Yes, you will sit on the floor of the main aisle at Target by the check-out area with a child who is thrashing, screaming and calling you names. Yes, you will have to tell your child that the dog is not a napkin and to put down the urinal cake. If you do not do all those things literally, then you will do them figuratively. And yes, you will also hold that child and rock back and forth and tell him you love him and tell him he's safe and tell him you're not leaving even though he will someday leave you. This is parenting. It is tragic and triumphant. Messy and magical. Sacred and spectacular. And it is, always, fiercely worthwhile.

Why you also need childless friends

So I was reading my own blog posts yesterday night and realized that I sound like like I don't have friends anymore...who aren't new moms.

So ta-da!  Today, I'm writing about why it's important to maintain the friendships that you developed before your stretch marks made you the prettiest tiger outside of the local zoo.

As you may remember, when M was away last week, my friends Kathy and Eric came to hang out with AJ and I to keep us company.  Kathy is also a pharmacist.  I loved their time with us.  We didn't actually do anything super special - just spent time chatting (yay for adult conversation!), watched all 7 parts of Harry Potter, and then some more junkish TV.  But the adult conversation - Ahhhh, what a nice relief!

Now don't get me wrong.  Poop, pee, and spit up always came up in the conversation.  But our conversation topics for the weeks felt like luxuries!  What was going on with her job, where we're thinking about going on vacation next, whether or not this cake recipe looked good, what the hell happened to Neville Longbottom and why does he look so good now. Things we used to talk about before I pooped out little raptor. Our time together reminded me that I'm not just a mom- I'm still an individual who has hobbies, favorite foods, and dreams. Our time together reminded me that I really missed my job - that the decision that I made to go back to work in 4 weeks was the right one.  Our time together reminded me that a lot of people still care for us the same way, despite this massive change that has happened to our family.

I've heard from other moms that you lose friends after you have your child - some of them won't undersand and some of then you'll lose because you simply can't juggle maintaining their friendship while maintaing the needs of your tiny human creature.

But that's not everybody.  There's the true friends who are ALWAYS there to love and support you.  And even though your little creature burps, poops, pees, and spits up, they still find a way to love them...because they love you.  So don't forget about your childless friends.  Yes, it'll take some extra effort to make sure that the friendship is alive and thriving after your precious cargo arrives, but I promise, they're well worth it :)

AJ's first shots

Little man had his 2 month appointment yesterday, which means, yes, LOTS of shots. 3 in the thigh and one oral.  He actually took the shots like a champ - cried for just a second or so then calmed down and decided that the doctor's instruments were more interesting.

But then, hours later, the real fun began.

At around 8 PM (3 hours after), the crying starts.  I mean CRYING. He was clearly tired too, yawning everywhere, but would not fall asleep no matter how he was held or soothed.

1030 PM - finally fell asleep on a pile of blankets while laying on top of daddy on the couch.

11 PM - we made the horrible realization that someone was likely going to spend the night on the couch with him, but was determined to try to put him in the crib anyway

11 PM - 12 AM - we decided to try to put him in his crib anyway.  Fed him a little (he clearly did not want to eat), put him down and he's whimpering sobbing the whole time.  Eventually, he falls asleep at 12 AM.  SUCCESS!

3 AM - wakes up (hungry, I presume?) ANGRY!  Ate barely enough to consider it a feeding but then fell right back asleep.

3-4:30AM:  wakes up like every frickin minute. You can tell he's angry. I'm sad cause there's actually tears when he's crying.  And he's learned somehow to sob?

4:30 AM: I decide to give up, scoop him up, and we sleep while I'm holding him downstairs on the couch

4:30 AM - 3 PM:  Pretty much slept the whole time, with me holding him.  Wakes up only for food and diaper changes.  Just started looking more "alive" just now wanting to play after a giant fart.

other observations:
-pooped twice in the night (he almost never poops in the middle of the night)
-lots of stomach gurgling
-no fever whatsoever
-much smaller appetite

So now I know.  Next time, we're scheduling his vaccinations for a Friday so I can have the weekend to "deal" with him.

Book Review: Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay: And Other Things I Had to Learn as New Mom

Those of you who know me know that I'm a sarcasm junkie.

Apparently sarcasm and babies don't mix real well, at least not when you're being asked about whether or not you're Ferber-izing (???) your DS (dear son) by a SAHM (stay at home mom).  No? Because she has all these books about it, HTH (hope that helps), her DD (dear daughter) has been STTN (sleeping through the night) since she was 4 weeks....but this all only applies if you're EBF (exclusively breast feeding)  My response?  WTF?!??!!

Anyway, I digress.

In a world where parenting books, online forums, and anywhere else you look is chalk full of SAHM's who judge your disposable diapering, self-proclaimed "experts" who swear that their parenting/sleep training/solid food eating advice is superior than others, and la Leche League leaders stalk you for mentioning the unmentionable ("I'm thinking about formula feeding"), reading anything about parenting can make you feel like you're a horrible parent.  And trust me, your stupid instincts will do a pretty good job of making you feel that way anyway, so why bother?

This book is a nice breath from all of that crazy.  It humorously describes parenting from the eyes of "one of us."  It reminds us that it's OK not to be following the advice of "parenting experts"because you know your own child the best.  In fact, you don't WANT to be like those moms who "know what they're doing" because they're secretly in denial and weeping at home in their pantries while their babies are crying their little faces off.  :)  It pokes fun at that fact that we've been there and done that with the calling-the-pediatrician-at-3-AM thing and then the I'm-gonna-kill-you-cause-you-don't-think-there's-something-wrong-with-my-child thing.

My only gripe about this book is the cost.  It's a little on the spendy end for being something very short. But 10 bucks coming out of the pocket of a woman who spent 130 dollars on a swing set for her child to buy 5 minutes of pooping time a day... I say that's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

But don't take it from me, go ahead and grab a copy.

EDIT:  so I finished the book.  I'm gonna go ahead and say that there's probably a little bit too much sarcasm for me.  Which is a lot, again, since I'm a huge fan.  Read the book if you'd like, but know that it's pretty predictably (I mean VERY) sarcastic.  I'm currently reading one that's just as humorous, a little more relatable, and not quite as angry at the world, called The Second Nine Months.  So far, I'm loving it.  But will review that as soon as I'm done.

AJ's transition to his nursery

Last night, we did what we thought was gonna be impossible, we moved AJ out of our room into his crib in his nursery!

I'll admit, I am a little sad to no longer have my baby at the foot of my bed.  But oh man, the little guy was making SO many grunting noises in the night that we knew it was time.

We'd committed to doing it this weekend, but yesterday night was the perfect night.  We were over at a friend's house all night so AJ was really tired already.  Plus, he ate a very big meal and had a warm bath, so he was VERY tired.  He fell asleep immediately after we swaddled him.  He stirred once in his crib a few minutes into it, but after just a couple minutes of soothing, he slept FIVE hours straight!

The only real trouble we had with any of this appeared around 6 AM, about an hour and half after he woke up for the first feeding.  My husband went to tend to him and realized that the little guy was wide-eyed awake!  Turns out that we never noticed that the curtains in his room aren't very good at blocking out the light.  So we had to take him back to our room to sleep.  Damn IKEA curtains.

Oh well, bought new black out panels today from JC Penney.

BUT YAY TO FIVE HOURS OF SLEEP!!!! :) :) :)

Daddy's home!

Daddy came home last night.  Phew, we were all so happy to see him!  AJ, Zoe, and I were all overjoyed to see him walk through the garage door.

I'm proud to say that we survived the week, thanks to our friends Kathy and Eric for staying over and helping out.  We also learned a lot about AJ and got him on a pretty good routine this week, so a lot has been achieved this week!

In developmental news, the little guy is starting to sleep longer at night - after we first put him down, he can go somewhere between 4-5.5 hours at a time now! SO PROUD!  I'm getting more sleep, but my body's somehow more tired now.  We also got him on a more predictable pooping schedule (two huge blow-out sized poops back to back after his 7 AM and 10 AM feedings).  We also learned that the little guy can stay awake for much longer now - he can play on his play mat (kicking, waving around) for an hour at a time.  Baby has also learned to soothe himself to sleep when he wakes up also!  Finally, it looks like his smiling isn't a fluke - it's here to stay!  :)

Good week overall. good week.

Next up tonight: we're transitioning him out to his nursery and crib.  Wish us luck!

What's in my diaper bag?

I LOVE the diaper bag that we bought - it's a Skip Hop Studio bag.  And it. is. awesome.

Why? It's roomy, has many pockets (2 insulated), secret straps that function to hold things like blankets or bulky sweaters outside of the bag, has slip-proof handles, and comes in attractive colors.

But this isn't a product review post.  I just wanted to share what's in our diaper bag!

• 5 size 2 diapers
• handful of poop bags
• 1 small thing of hand sanitizer
• 1 foldable plush changing pad
• 2 burp cloths
• 2 wash cloths
• 1 box of diaper wipes
• several boob pads
• 1 lanolin ointment
• 1 nursing cover
• 1 swaddle blanket
• 2 binkies and box for it
• 2 outfits
• 1 pair of socks
• 1 baby Tylenol and dosing syringe
• 1 pain of baby's sunglasses
• 1 sun hat
• 1 toy
• 1 lip balm
• my sunglasses
• wallet
• cell phone
• coffee mug
• keys

You're probably like, holy s***, how does that bag look when it's full?

Like this!

When it's really cold, I'd add an extra sweater in there for him and when I go to mom's group, I also throw in his tummy time pillow and clip a thicker blanket on the outside pocket.

Yes, I LOVE this bag.  It's awesome.  

Daddy's first trip away from home

Starting today, M is gone to a conference for 5 days.  5 days!!!!!  lol.

I can't say I didn't have some anxiety about this.  I REALLY do.  But honestly, I have a lot less anxiety about it now, since we did do a lot of planning to ensure that I have all the tools I need to make this successful.

First, I recruited help.  I asked a couple of my dearest friends to come stay with me.  I don't think that I necessarily NEED the help, but knowing that two other adults will be home with us at various times of the day makes me feel A LOT better (at some point, I almost considered packing up everything and shipping over to my mom's for the week!).  Plus, Eric can help me with dog duty (definitely something I need help with).  When AJ is fussy, I've forgotten about the dog's needs before. Sorry, Zoe :(

Next, video chat!  It's important to me and M that AJ sees his daddy every day.  Unfortunately, coordination of this is going to be tricky, since he isn't always awake!  Plus, not sure if baby can understand something as abstract as video chatting.  We're giving a go anyway.

We stocked up the fridge yesterday so I have all the foods I need and hopefully won't need to go out for more supplies.  I've also got several nights of dinners planned (and one where Eric volunteered to cook!). 

I'm excited to see how this is going to work.  Somehow, having a plan in place makes me feel better, though I know in my heart that likely, nothing will go as planned and something new will creep up on us this week.  But hey, we'll take it a day at a time then.