On my own

M went back to work on Friday.  AJ started daycare 3 days a week this week.  Which means... I'm on my own with baby 3 days a week!

I still distinctly remember the first week without M when AJ was born.  I was swimming in fear.  Seems silly now, to be scared of a baby, but that's the best way I could describe it.  I was desperate for adult conversation (even on day one, 2 hours after M pulled out of the garage).  I was nervous that I'd somehow screw things up.  I was desperate not to be the only adult in charge.  I really didn't think I could do it.

Looking back now, I probably let a little bit of postpartum illness go undiagnosed.  BUT one great life decision did come out of my desperate longing for companionship during this time.  That was the first day I attended moms' group - and went on to make some wonderful lasting friendships with other women going through the same thing.

I've always wondered how things would go, the second time around, when M goes back to work.  Described in one word? No big deal.  OK, that was 3 words.  When M packed up and got in his car, I picked up the baby in one arm, balanced him on my hip, and said "bye bye daddy" while waving his chunky little arm.  And that was that.   Back to napping on the couch.

Still gonna plan to attend mom's group - maybe starting next week. :)