The eve

We're at T minus 11 hours now before admission for the induction.

My brain said we're ready.  My uterus agrees.  My heart? 

I'm sitting here on the couch downstairs, creepily staring at my son through the security cam. He's being a 3 year old and wrapping this blanket around over his head, thinking I'm not watching.  Or maybe he's doing that because he knows I AM watching.  But I'm not even mad. All I can think about is the story I just read him before I tucked him off to bed - I'm a Big Brother Now.   

I'm thinking about how 2 hours ago, he plopped on the couch next to me, and slowly ran his little hand over the right side of my belly - the side that usually jumps when that small familiar hand makes contact.  I'm thinking about how he told me that tomorrow, I'm going to the hospital because baby wants to "wake up."

I'm recalling how yesterday evening, Grandma asked him if he thought the baby was a boy or girl, and he picked the little pink piece of paper without hesitation and deposited it in the "girl" bet jar.

I'm remembering how 4 days ago, this kiddo pulled up a blanket on himself, then told me he wanted baby to have the blanket too, and gently pulled a big plush corner over the fullest part of my belly.

I'm thinking back to 6 months ago, when I told him that he was going to be a big brother, and that there was a baby growing in my belly.  He was wearing a red shirt covered in big bold letters "Big Brother" in Chinese.  He was skeptical and asked me if he could "see it."  I showed him my belly and he was not sure if he believed me.  I took a mental photograph of that moment.  

I'm remembering later the next day, when he went over to visit my parents, who both went a full hour without noticing that AJ's shirt said "Big Brother."  And when they did, only made the connection that someday, yes, he'd be a big brother. They found out minutes later that yes, he will be a big brother very soon!  I remember getting my mom's call later the next day, apologizing for the delayed reaction - that she got so excited she couldn't sleep that night.

I'm thinking about that card I made M on the night the line turned blue.  The card that said "oh, hi."  with the results inside.  He didn't notice for an entire hour that there was a stick with pee on it, sitting next to his keyboard.  I waited and waited patiently for him pick up the card to move it (I placed it at a 30 degree angle to his keyboard, so knew it would bother hims enough to have to at least straighten it).  I watched out of the corner of eye as he picked up the card, and the stick fell out...and he looked up at me..."REALLY?"

What a ride, 9 months of it.

And soon, we'll be a family of four.

My heart is full with anticipation tonight.