Hilarious = poop

I'm sitting here yesterday writing a baby shower card, trying to write something ingenius (instead of the usual lies like 'congrats on your bundle of joy!' or 'he'll be everything you wished for!').  I came up with the following:

"Being a parent is the dirtiest, lowest-paying, stinkiest, and most hilarious job you'll ever have.  Enjoy every minute of it!"

Yeah, being blatantly honest is another one of those side effects that won't go away after I pooped out the baby.  But really, being a parent IS one of the most hilarious jobs I've ever had.  So instead of wallowing in self-pity today and telling more first-world problem stories about how my boobs make too much milk for my baby, I'm gonna go for humor today.

The top 5 most hilarious things that have happened since AJ arrived (read: the top 5 things he's pooped or peed or spit up on).  I'm sorry if some of these aren't so funny.  I have a weird sense of humor.

5. We discovered that our dog is addicted to AJ's spit up. Like actually addicted. Every time I bring him to the changing pad, which I keep on the ground in the living room, she gets up from her spot in the other room and stays on standby for spit up.  As soon as I pick him up, she does clean up duty, so our changing pad is always cleaned after each changing....by dog spit.  Though now that I realize that spit up is basically breast milk...I guess that means she's addicted to my breast milk.  I can't say I'm comfortable with that relationship with the dog.

4. We have a poop chair.  Every morning, when we've run out of ideas to get AJ to poop, we stick him in his bouncy chair.  The thing works like magic EVERY TIME.  I'm not sure why it works.  OK lies, I know EXACTLY how it works. Try sitting on a vibrating surface for a while and you'll get the picture.

3. Pooping on our photographer's props. Hey, I guess that's what you can expect when you peel all the clothes and diaper off a newborn and make him pose pretty pics for you!!!  After about 2 hours worth of feeding, cuddling, and coaxing him to sleep and positioning him, this photo was taken moments after he pooped all over the photographer's blanket.  What you can't see in this beautiful photo is a giant puddle of yellow crap (haha, literally) behind his butt. Sorry, Katie :(

2. Peeing all over our friend, Kathy, but managing to stay completely dry himself.  I don't know how.  Physics doesn't apply to this child.  It just doesn't.

1. Pooping in the bathtub...after we've given him his bath.  Yeah.  Lather. Rinse. REPEAT.  FYI this is NOT said incident.  Just a picture of him looking real cute :)